Lose the wait? Have you been waiting for the right time to step into a life you’ve secretly dreamed of? We all have dreams. If you wait, or hold back, life offers challenges to move you forward.
Waiting blocks the flow of life. A challenge is re-direction. It shows up as dis-ease, weight gain or an unfortunate incident (commonly called an accident such as a car crash or an injury). Profound messages hide in seemingly random events. Over and over, each incident happens perfectly to get us on track.
I secretly dreamed of seeing the world and becoming an inspirational speaker. It seemed impossible. In my teens, several of us talked about travel to Europe or throughout the continent in a VW bus. Our dreams were amazing, inspiring and perfect for the late 60s. But they were too far out of the box and one by one, we all found boyfriends and got engagement rings. Did I really want to get married at nineteen? We considered just driving away and traveling as a couple in the southern USA in the winter. A pretty unacceptable idea in our little town. Our getaway van was not to be. What a dilemma!
So a wedding date was set. Pressure to adhere to the status quo is strong and subtle. Settling into life with a husband was big enough but years later moving to a farm with a new baby was monumental. I did not know I was in charge, creating my life with each decision and that I could choose differently. I felt powerless, like a victim, in the face of fate. Many years I waited, restless and unable to identify what was happening. I was grateful for trips to Mexico, Jamaica and China as well as many within the USA and Canada. When did I tuck my dreams away? Trying to forget them was painful. But they never disappeared.
My passion to learn and grow remained strong. Enrolling in college classes, joining Toastmasters to become a better speaker and becoming a fitness leader fueled the fire in me. We had many years of wonderful experiences on the farm, raising our three children, horses and working in the fields together. Over the years our relationship got more strained and I finally set off on my own as a single mom for ten years.
The year my youngest son was graduating from high school, my dreams re- emerged. Now it was time for me. My dreams freshly inspired and energized me and I planned to complete a course to teach English overseas. At the same time, I began to date a new man. My mistake was including him in my dream. We both took the training, applied for jobs and were hired as English teachers in China. As we made plans to book flights and leave Canada for a year, he backed out. My inner knowing encouraged me to go alone, but I didn’t.
We stayed together and had amazing spiritual experiences including the creation of our own drums and a medicine bundle. After we got married, things began unravelling. By 2011, I was healthy on the surface, pretending my life and marriage were working, but it was a lie.
I had chronic neck, shoulder and back pain, TMJ, incontinence, severe irritable bowel symptoms and carried 20 excess pounds around my middle. Was it an acceptable part of aging? I finally got inspired to try supporting my body to heal itself. What a revelation that every symptom mentioned here, except TMJ was resolved by choosing to understand the messages and take action. A big part of my healing was applying the wisdom in “Water of Life,” by JW Armstrong. That year I began to fast on my own urine and water. Details are in my book, “Fasting on Golden Elixir.”
Six years ago, I was waiting. Waiting for a miracle. We both knew our marriage was over. Anyone at the end of a long-term relationship will recognize that place. It was so scary to stop waiting and take a step. I was fearful about supporting myself financially – a terrible reason to stay.
His return to old habits like eating sugary junk and other unhealthy foods was unacceptable. Clean eating over 11 years turned most of his conditions around, including diabetes and high blood pressure. It got so obvious that I was forced, through the insight of friends who loved me, to get honest. Fear of criticism kept me in limbo but this fork in the road helped me see our different paths.
I always felt a strong karmic connection brought and kept us together. I finally got help to complete my part of our contract. A short time later a vision came, showing me as his caregiver when his return to unhealthy habits created serious illness. I was about to give up my dreams again.
The signs flowed in. I called them breadcrumbs. The Divine had been dropping them in front of me for years but fear stopped me from seeing. Some obvious ones were: the keys to our new apartment would not stay on my keychain and dropped in the bottom of my purse; there was no space in the bike parking area for my bike which was my favourite mode of transportation; I had no TV for twenty years and his huge new one filled a whole wall, along with a full cable package.
I finally got the courage to tell him I was leaving. He was downloading CDs onto his computer. I opened my mouth to speak and out blasted: “well since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell.” Oh my gosh, the Divine is supporting this. I stood in shock for a moment and opened my mouth to speak. Once again, Elvis blasted out his song. The second time I said, “well I am leaving you.” Within two weeks I was heading west alone…
To be continued